I will survive...

Couldn't sleep much last night as today is the start of chemotherapy.  It's the first of four treatments that last 3-3.5 hours.  I feel a little scared but am drawing strength from my amazing aunt who powered through 5.5 months of chemo with courage and grace, as well as my mother who went with my aunt to every treatment after her own mastectomy and reconstruction process, and my sister who while dealing with a tumor on her pituitary gland is also planning for her own prophylactic mastectomy.  I also feel extremely confident about my decision to do this.  My odds of not having a recurrence without chemo are approximately 89%.  With chemo they are 94%.  I'll take that extra 5%.  To me, that represents 5 women out of 100 who will be here for their children because of chemo, to see them off for the first day of school, to comfort them when someone breaks their heart, to watch them graduate from school and get married.  It's worth it!  It's just hair and 9 weeks of my life.  My beautiful mother is here with me to help me take care of my son and offer support.  My husband is a rock star who has been so supportive and comforting.  My sister and father are with us in spirit.  And I know there are many more friends and family that hold us in their prayers and we so greatly appreciate that.  We will survive! 

I'll get you my pretty, and your little boobies too...

Here's how it all started...I have always known I was at risk for breast cancer because my maternal grandmother and all four of her sisters had it.  I had no idea how high the risk was until Oct 09' when my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer.  She had a mastectomy in Feb 10' and the day after she came home from the hospital we found out my maternal aunt had breast cancer as well.  She has had chemo, a mastectomy, and is now starting radiation.  I then started having increased surveillance and an ultrasound showed a suspicious looking area.  I underwent a biopsy and it showed "possible" cancer cells.  What????  My son was 18 months old!  I'm only 36 years old!!!  I then had an MRI in May 10' which was clear.  After that, was the lumpectomy which revealed that I had LCIS on my left side (abnormal cells that increase the risk of breast cancer).  Whew!!! What a relief.  I didn't have breast cancer yet...so I thought.  I chose to undergo a prophylactic mastectomy in June 10' and the pathology report after the surgery showed that I had two invasive tumors on my right side.  I then had my lymph nodes removed in July 10' and they were negative.  My breast cancer is considered stage I.  I then started the process of making the agonizing decision regarding treatment.  I could take Tamoxifen for 5 years only or take chemo also to further decrease my chances of a recurrence.  I chose to take chemo too.  I start next Tuesday, August 24, 2010, 6 days before my 37th birthday.  I wouldn't wish a cancer diagnosis on anyone.  This has definitely been the most trying time of my life and there is still a difficult road ahead.  But, I think that crisis can be a catalyst for change and self-discovery and that is how I intend to use this trial.  I have already seen my perspective change as a result of this diagnosis.  What is important (family, friends, the little things) becomes increasingly clear and what is not (appearances, material things, petty resentments/conflicts) become so insignificant.  I'm also becoming much more aware of the love and compassion of others and how blessed I am to have so many supportive people in my life.  I don't know what I would do without them.  More to come...