The finish line...

Well I am getting my final chemo treatment as we speak!  There are still a few weeks of recovery and low white counts to get through, but no more IVs and no more poison going in.  I feel relieved and ready to move forward!  I can't wait to feel healthy again, to exercise and get strong.  I can't wait to grow some hair back and not have to walk around as "cancer girl" anymore.  Although I have to say, there have been so many supportive and encouraging survivors that have approached me in public and offered encouragement and support.  I can't tell you how much that means when you are struggling just to get through the day and a stranger approaches you and tells you you are beautiful and that you can do this!  It just brings hope and renews your strength! 
The next step is to see my oncologist in 4 weeks for blood work and an exam.  She will then start me on Tamoxifen for 5 years and clear me for my next reconstruction surgery which will take place in early December.  That's when I get my implants or as we like to call them in our family, "our foobs".  I will then be done with the whole process except for getting my new nipples three months later and that procedure is no big deal.  My plastic surgeon is a riot and assures me that she makes "really cute nipples".  They actually create the nipples with your existing tissue in a day surgery and then 3 months later they tattoo on your aeriola.  You wouldn't believe how real they look these days. 
I guess there has to be some silver lining in this, because honesty, John did a number on my old boobs.  But, boy was he worth it.  I just keep reminding myself that he is the reason for all of this.  He and his daddy and my family.  That's what will get me through the next few weeks of feeling sick and weak.  It's so that I can go on with life feeling hopeful and strong, both mentally and physically.  I owe that to them and to myself.  As hard as this journey has been, I have no regrets about my decisions.  They turned out to be the right ones for me.  If I hadn't opted for the prophylactic mastectomy, my breast cancer probably wouldn't have been detected for years and my prognosis and treatment would have been much worse.  Chemo was the right thing for me too.  I have to feel I did everything I could and I feel proud of myself now because I learned that I have strength I never knew I had.  I go forward with an increased confidence in myself and my ability to handle adversity, with less fear about life and what could happen.  I think cancer teaches you just how little control you have in this world and that you better just live now.  I see my scars and they remind me that I am strong and can do more than I ever knew I could.  Here's to life after cancer and chemo!  I finally see the finish line!